#58) Win/Win Character Traits


Do you have what it takes to win? And to help others to win as well? We will find out today, here on "Always Be Better."

[opening sequence]

Hello, I'm Mel Windham, and today we will continue the 7 Habits discussion. In an earlier video, I described the different paradigms for making deals with others. We discussed Win/Lose, Lose/Win, Lose/Lose, Win, and Win/Win. It can be argued that there is a time and a place for each of these paradigms, but overall it seems that Win/Win benefits the most parties.

We also discussed that today we are largely surrounded by a Win/Lose attitude nearly everywhere we go. But it doesn't have to be that way. Win/Lose isn't very helpful, as it does nothing more than shifting good fortune away from some people and toward others. If we could little by little shift this worldwide paradigm from Win/Lose to Win/Win, we could actually start raising everybody up. Rising water lifts all boats.

But what would this take? It requires building up certain characteristics, or rather, new ways of viewing the world. Today we will discuss three such characteristics.

#1) Integrity. Stephen Covey calls this the cornerstone of the foundation of the Win/Win paradigm. If we can't be honest with ourselves, then how can we be honest in our interactions with others? Do we keep our own promises and commitments?

If we don't practice integrity, then others can see it, and they will avoid us. Or, if they have to deal with us, they may also try for a Win/Lose situation because of their lack of trust in us.

But on the other hand, if we demonstrate integrity, the trust will be there, and others will be happy to work with us.

We'll learn more about building integrity in future discussions.

#2) Maturity. Covey says this is the balance between Courage and Consideration.

Courage is the willingness to do something. It's our self-esteem, our determination, and our convictions. It's facing the odds and pushing through. It's being "tough."

Consideration is our ability to think of others. Do we care about their well-being? Do we want others to succeed? It's being "nice."

Some say that if you're nice, you can't be tough. And if you're tough, you can't be nice. But if one is fully mature, they can do both at the same time.

Check out this graphic. If we were to chart Courage along the x-axis, and Consideration along the y-axis, we can start to see which combinations contribute to which paradigms. 


For example, if we're high in Courage, but low in Consideration, we're likely to win the deal, but the other party is likely to lose. This results in Win/Lose.

If we flip it, high in Consideration, and low in Courage, then we're likely to give the farm away to make others happy. This results in a Lose/Win scenario.

If we're low in both Consideration and Courage, then we just don't care. It's going to be Lose/Lose all around.

If, on the other hand, we're high in both Consideration and Courage, then we are mature. Both nice and tough. We're willing to do what it takes, and we want others to succeed, too. And you guessed it. This is the Win/Win scenario of which we speak.

#3) Abundance Mentality. It's probably best to describe this as what it isn't.

Its reverse is the Scarcity Mentality. This is the idea that there is only so much in this world. We must all compete over the same small amount of resources. In order for us to be rich, others must be poor. If this sounds familiar at all, then yes -- it is basically the foundation of the Win/Lose mentality. And we will most definitely explore this idea in several of our future videos. It happens to be a core concept in the Theory of Evolution. And yes -- I'm planning a whole video just on that one topic.

And what is the Abundance Mentality? That's right. The idea that there is actually plenty in this world. There's enough to go around. If Robert is successful, it doesn't mean that we can't be, ourselves. Success isn't a race to the top, or a zero-sum game. Rather, it's something that we can each individually accomplish. And armed with this knowledge, or view of the world, we realize that nothing can stop us.

Together: Integrity, Maturity, and an Abundance Mentality can give us the confidence and inspiration to help us to achieve Win/Win solutions.

And before I close, let me mention the No Deal paradigm. This basically means: there's nothing that says we MUST make a deal. We really have the option to just walk away, and decide mutually not to enter any deals. Armed with the three character traits we've discussed, we should all be willing to entertain such an idea. If one party must lose to the other, then it's better to have No Deal at all.

With this option in mind, two parties can then be open and honest with each other and achieve the desired Win/Win outcome. How many times have we seen this in movies, where one party says, "Fine. No Deal" and starts to walk away, only for the other party to say, "Hey, wait!"

My challenge to you: do you practice the three traits discussed today? Are you lacking courage -- if so, how can you build up your self-confidence? Are you lacking in empathy? If so, how can you become more aware of those around you? Are you ready to achieve Win/Win solutions?

Thank you for watching. Make sure to Like and Subcribe. And I'll see you here next time on "Always Be Better."

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