#34) How Can I Take Control of My Life?

Hello, and welcome back to "Always Be Better" with Mel Windham.

Have you ever felt stuck in life? Nothing's going your way? Not making any progress? Have you wondered if there were a way out? If you stick with me a few minutes, I'll have a special guest who will tell us his own story.

As it turns out, the power to succeed comes from within.

The 7 Habits teaches that we are all human beings. Certain traits help us to rise above all other animals.

We have ... SELF-AWARENESS. We know who we are. We know who others are. We know what we're capable of.

We have ... IMAGINATION. We can see things that don't exist. We can imagine solutions to our problems. We can create things that entertain.

We have ... CONSCIENCE. This is a built-in sense of right vs. wrong. We can sense what we should do or shouldn't do in certain situations.

We have ... INDEPENDENT WILL. Ultimately, we choose what to do, how to react. We can make our own decisions.

And yes, I've heard all the arguments that Independent Will is an illusion. There are two main deterministic models floating around.

GENETIC determinism states that we are the sum of what's in our genes. How we were born. I choose to eat chocolate-chip cookie-dough ice cream because my genes tell me to.

ENVIRONMENTAL determinism states that we are the sum of the influences around us. How our parents raised us. Whether we're rich or poor. How our bosses treat us. Since my parents taught me to be nice to everyone, I tend to show everyone respect. Since my boss punished me, I'm going to be angry toward everyone, and so on.

There may be some truth in all this, but it's all REACTIVE. Something happens to us, and we respond. Stephen Covey points out that the word RESPONSIBILITY is the concatenation of the words RESPONSE and ABILITY. In other words, we are all very capable of responding to things. ACTION and REACTION.

If we were to look at yesterday and go through all the events that occurred to us, I'm sure we would all be able to pick up on how we reacted. We are by nature REACTIVE. But you know what -- so are all the other animals. If we do nothing but react, then we get stuck.

So, how do we break free? We first need to get above the deterministic models, and draw on our strengths as human beings. Our SELF-AWARENESS helps us to realize we are our own beings and we are worthy of more. Our IMAGINATION helps us to see different ways to improve our situations. Our CONSCIOUS helps us to determine what actions will help us and others feel better. And our INDEPENDENT WILL gives us the power we need to carry it all out.

This is called being PROACTIVE, the opposite of REACTIVE. Instead of waiting for something to come and act on us, we get ahead of it, and act FIRST. Then, instead of OTHERS controlling us, WE become the ones in charge. No one else can pilot our beings. Instead of feeling trapped, we can enjoy FREEDOM.

To help us understand this, I'd like to introduce you to my friend. He's with us on video conference, and he has a story to tell.

Mel: Hello Barth.

Barth: Hey Mel. How's it going?

Mel: Doing great. Hey, Barth is such a cool name. Is that short for Bartholomew?

Barth: No. My name's just Barth. Don't wear it out, man.

Mel: I see. Has anyone ever told you that you look like someone else?

Barth: Yeah -- he's my grother.

Mel: Did you say "grother"?

Barth: <quickly> A grother-boy says what?

Mel: What?

Barth: <slowly> A grother-boy says what?

Mel: What?

Barth: Exactly. <giggles profusely>

Mel: <dead-pan stare> Okay, tell me about your band. The Flying Squirrels.

Barth: Best band ever, man! That's what we are. Well -- next to Aerosmith.

Mel: And how did you become the drummer?

Barth: First it takes a lot of raw talent. Wanna hear this screamin drum solo?

Mel: Sure.

Barth: <crazy drumming>

Mel: <whoa face> That was awesome. But you weren't always that great, right?

Barth: Yeah. Let's go back a few years. <doodie doo hands> We were nothing. We were just playing around. You know -- having fun. We were playing all these gigs, and then the audience would boo at us. Then the boss man would throw us out the back door. This one boss -- he threw my drums out at me.

Mel: Wow.

Barth: <nervous face> He broke my bass drum.

Mel: That's terrible.

Barth: And then we quit. John said it wasn't meant to be. And then we were all: We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

But then my good friend Bane told me: <in a Barth-Bane-villain voice> Hey Barth. Don't give up on your dreams. You sound better than you think. Just keep practicing and a year from now I'll get you some more gigs.

Mel: Wait -- Bane? He exists?

Barth: Yeah. So we got back together, practiced, and then Bane pulled some strings. He said: <Barth-Bane-villain voice> Hey guys, you should listen to these boys. I think you're gonna like them.

Barth: And it worked. We were famous overnight! And now we got all these Babe-raham Lincolns!

Mel: Cool. Oh to be young again. So, what comes next?

Barth: So, next week we got this gig coming up in DC and ...

Barth's mom interrupts off-stage: Barth! Are you done with your interview yet?

Barth: <nervous look> <quietly> Mom.

Barth's mom: Hurry! Dinner's ready!!!

Barth: <more nervous look>

Mel: So, you still live with your mother?

Barth: Yeah. It's a good situation. It helps me focus on other things.

Mel: Well, let's go ahead and wrap this up. Thanks for your story. Do you have any last words?

Barth: Yeah. Don't give up on your dreams. If you can see it, you can do it. Good bye and PARTY ON!! <more drum riffs>

Mel: Thanks, Barth. And well -- that's all we have for today. Thank you for watching. Make sure to Like and Subscribe. Follow your dreams, and we'll continue this discussion down the road. Next week, we'll visit the Scientific Method. Promises to be fun!

And remember, we can "Always Be Better."