#56) The Impostor Syndrome

Do you ever feel stuck and frustrated? Does it feel like nothing you're doing is working? Perhaps you might be suffering from something called the Impostor Syndrome.

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Hello, and welcome back to "Always Be Better." I'm Mel Windham, and today we're going to explore the Impostor Syndrome. This is something I'm currently struggling with, and something I suspect affects most people to some degree.

First off, what is it? In a nutshell, it's when we're really good at something, but for some reason we think we're terrible at it. We feel that if we can see our own shortcomings, then others will realize that we're fake, or ... an impostor. And hence the name ... Impostor Syndrome.

Since this is a rather new idea, first appearing in 1978, nobody really understands it, but it's certainly fun to talk about. What I'll try to do is share my own experiences, and perhaps realization will help you know what you might be able to do to get out of your own stuck situations and succeed.

Here's an example -- I play organ at church. It's one of the areas in which I excel. When I play, my brain goes into overdrive. I'm seeing the notes on the page, listening to the congregation, watching a conductor, making decisions -- should I play louder? Softer? Add more stops? Remove some? It's literally thousands of synapses at work, and I have no idea how it works, but it does, and it's well received. I get compliments all the time.

And when people come up to me, what do I say? It's usually something self-deprecating. "Didn't you hear all the mistakes I made?" You see, I've met several organists who are just better than me technically. They inspire me to work harder, but it's so easy for me to think: "Wouldn't you prefer one of these other much more capable organists to take over?" This is a perfect example of the Imposter Syndrome in action.

It usually hits perfectionists all the time, and yes -- I'm one of them. It's kind of a double-edged sword, where I'm competent enough to know what perfection would be, and also, I know how much I don't measure up. And paradoxically, this can be self-sabotaging. For example, did you know that I've written two full novels? No? It's probably because I can't stop editing them. Even today they're unavailable to the public. But nonetheless, people who do get to read them seem to be throughly enjoyed -- well, most of them. A couple have complained, and it's so easy for me to worry about the 10% who'll never like my work.

And often, knowing that I can't reach perfection, I'll say: not today, and I put it off till tomorrow, which as you may know, never comes. So, like I've said before ... self-sabotaging.

But get this ... with my crazy trained ears, I can hear mistakes in almost EVERY professional recording. I know that no one can be perfect. So, why beat myself up over this? The only way to overcome this I've found is to just get used to doing it anyway. Now I'm composing more music and improving in my keyboard technique.

Another issue seems to be the naysayers. These tend to be my long-time friends and acquaintances. It's like they know me as the goofy guy, and therefore what good can come out of me? How does that famous proverb go? "A person is not without honor except in their own hometown, among their own relatives and household." It's like those who know me only want me to do the things that they've already seen me do.

And sure enough, in my sheet music business, my biggest customers are basically perfect strangers. And what about my music albums on Spotify? It's the same thing -- most of the listens come from places I've never been to.

But I don't blame them. Most of my friends aren't in my target demographic for music sales. And I've been on the other side as well. For example, one of my childhood friends has published a book and I haven't read it yet.

So, I've learned -- we just can't rely on our closest acquaintances. My wife tells me I spend too much time interacting with them, and perhaps she's right. It's been eating up precious time that could be spent networking and increasing my circle of influence.

In fact, from my research, I see that the remedy for countering naysayers is to basically seek out other people who believe in what you're trying to do. And that's exactly what I'm going to try next. For example, there's a society of LDS composers, which I will shortly join and continue networking.

Another thing that's helped me ... I've obtained a life coach to help me through tough times. He mainly helps me to see the obvious things that I can't see. And he supports any crazy idea I come up with. 

And finally, it's good for me to constantly remind myself what my talents are. I excel in math, music, computer programming, and science. I was always tops in all my classes in these subjects. I run a small business that touches on many of my talents, and a day job that covers my non-musical talents. These things are my specialties, and make me uniquely qualified to achieve what I'm trying to do. It helps to know that not many people can do the niche things that I can do, because then I realize: this is what I was born to do.

And likewise, I'm certain that you have your own niche specialities that you can use to succeed.

So, let's summarize. 

Do you have people telling you what you can't do? Well -- don't listen to them and find people who recognize your true capabilities.

Do you feel like you'll never be perfect, so why even try? If so, then do it anyway. If you don't do it, it never happens. And if you try, you just might succeed. After all, do you really know someone else who can do it if you don't? No? It's because it's your calling.

Are people giving you compliments? Then don't depress them by revealing all your mistakes. Say "thank you" and realize that yeah ... you really are doing a good job.

Still trying to find that niche mission that only you can do? Just keep trying, and it'll come to you. A life coach could really help you to realize what your strengths and passions are. And then you can formulate a plan to carry it all out.

And in the end, I hope it will help you break free of your own dead-ends, and help you to realize that: no, you are not an impostor.

I hope you've enjoyed this analysis, and I invite you to Like this video and Subscribe. Check out my other videos for fun, and I'll see you here next time on "Always Be Better."