#50) Circle of Influence

Hello, and welcome to "Always Be Better" with Mel Windham.

It's been a while, but I'm back. My 50th topic will be on our Circles of Influence, by far one of my favorite items from the 7 Habits, and the source of much of my success.

Think back to the last few weeks -- a major election here in the US. When the results were announced, half of us were ecstatic, and the other half of us were shocked and depressed. We knew it was coming -- it would only be a matter of which candidate would win. Now that it's all over, do you remember what came next? If you're anything like me, your life probably continued on as it had been before. I had a day of reaction, and then ... well ... I had work to do, and it was time to get busy again.

Because when it comes down to it, each of us really can't do anything about these types of big items. There is certainly a lot we can worry about. Nuclear war, poverty, foreign threats, stock market crashes, immigration concerns, election integrity, and so on. These are major issues that most of us worry about.

And then there are the small items. In my case, my publishing business takes up a lot of my free time after work. I have to converse with others, prepare music, push things out to the public for sale. And then there's my day job. I certainly want to keep them happy so I continue getting a paycheck and support my family. On top of all that ... Christmas!! And I've only just now started shopping. And if that weren't enough, I hurt my leg a couple of weeks ago, and I hope it heals soon. And so on.

You all probably don't want to hear about the small things I worry about each and every day, and likewise, I probably don't want to hear about all your other small problems, but dang -- aren't they important to us? But that first list I provided -- the big issues? We could talk about those all day, couldn't we? Because it's all interesting AND important.

So, this gives us our Circle of Concern -- it's EVERYTHING that we're worried about each and every day -- the big things and the small things -- all important.

But what can we do about these things? There's very little I can do about nuclear war. But I have nearly full control over my publishing company. In my day job, I can make my managers happy and keep my job. And Christmas? I can just go shopping and knock it out. And my leg? I can go easy on it for another week. 

All of these smaller items fall into my Circle of Influence. Inside this smaller circle are the things that I can control. And you each have your own circles of influence. You may not have control of a whole publishing company, but you most definitely have control over items that I do not. We are each unique in this. It's kind of what makes the world go around. We all exert some kind of influence on the world in our own unique ways.

 

Notice here how the Influence Circle is smaller than the Concern Circle. This is normal. This is life. Imagine -- if I spent all my time worried about nuclear war, I could build me a shelter and hide in it all day long -- but then what else would I have accomplished? It seems I would get more things done if I stopped worrying about nuclear war.

In general, it's best to concentrate on our own Circles of Influence. That is, we worry primarily on the items we can control, we can cause our Influence Circle to grow! [BWOOOP!] Then we can have control over more items. Bwehahaha!

If instead we worry about our entire Circle of Concern, we end up doing less, and our Circle of Influence shrinks. [BWOOOP!] Nooooooo!

Let's dig a little deeper. We can take our Circle of Concern and break up all our items into three different buckets.

#1) Direct Control -- these are items that we can control directly, totally independent of other people. This is what Habits 1, 2, and 3 are all about -- improving ourselves. All of these items are in our Circles of Influence.

#2) Indirect Control -- here, we must rely on others to carry out tasks. Perhaps we're a boss, and a worker does our bidding. Or we get a family member or friend to do something for our mutual benefit. This is what Habits 4, 5, and 6 are all about -- improving our relationships with others so that we can work together and effect change. This also falls in our Circle of Influence -- possibly the outer rims. We'll find out later how much power there is in working with others.

#3) No Control -- here, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. If a nuclear war were about to break out, could I yell "STOP!" and make it all go away? Probably not. And yes, these are all outside of our Circle of Influence. Here, we are best to remember the Serenity Prayer: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

As we focus on our Circles of Influence, we can cause them to grow, and then we can enjoy more influence. And that is my challenge to you, now. Over this next week, take a good look at yourselves. What do you worry about? What are the items that fall into your Circle of Influence? And what can you do about them? See if you can get your Influence Circle to grow, even if it's just a little. And then, keep going. And believe me -- we have a lot of work to do in the near future, and together we can accomplish much. You'd do well to prepare for it, because it will be exciting. 

Thank you for watching, and I'll see you here again next time on "Always Be Better."