#45) Introducing Win/Win

Hello, and welcome back to "Always Be Better" with Mel Windham.

Do you ever get frustrated at work? Not getting paid enough? Other people getting promoted or winning awards, but not you? No bonuses for all your hard work? Nobody listening to you and sometimes even telling you to shut up? Customers treating you poorly?

If so, then you might just be interested to learn about Win/Win: a paradigm of success. You can probably guess what it means: in a nutshell, this means: "I Win, and You Win." The best way to fully understand what this means is to first learn what it isn't.

This is exactly how Stephen Covey teaches this concept in his 7 Habits. And I'll do the same here: I'll teach you four alternative paradigms and then we'll come back to Win/Win at the end.

Win/Lose

The first paradigm is Win/Lose. This is the most prevalent paradigm in our society. "I Win, and You Lose."

Think of any athletic event. One team is going to win, and the other team is going to lose. One team is going to go home celebrating, while the other team is going to drown their sorrows. At an Olympic event, many people will work hard to have nearly the same results, but only one person will get the gold, while others go home empty-handed.

Think of any scam. Someone calls you up and tricks you into giving them your account number. They win your money, and you lose it. Win/Lose.

Think of our educational system. If you do better than all the rest, you get an A. Average gets you a C. One year in my kid's third grade class, the whole state decided to try a new pilot program: giving out less A's, leaving a whole bunch of kids confused and disappointed when they did all the work well, and only got a B. That program failed miserably. So, grading on a curve is another example of Win/Lose.

Most annoyingly, the worst example of this is practically every workplace. Does your work hold contests where the most sales gets you a trip to Hawaii, or a toy Yoda? That is another Win/Lose situation. Someone who sells 1,500 items gets the trip while someone who sells only 1,400 items has to stay home, though he nearly did the same amount of work.

And every place I've worked: raises depend on how much fixed money is given to each department. Several times I'm told: "Someone's not getting a raise so I can give you a higher one." And get this -- once they told me this and then gave me a puny raise anyway. And most of the time, my whole department works hard, often with long hours. And you guessed it: this is another Win/Lose situation.

It is competition: only the cream of the crop excels ... and well ... it makes a LOT of people angry. And angry people aren't exactly the most productive.

Lose/Win

Let's move on to the next paradigm: Lose/Win. It's kind of the opposite -- something I've done many times myself. I've often let myself lose so others can win. Some of this may be because of my own advantages. It's a way I can share the wealth.

You probably know someone like this. He's the nice guy. Maybe he's the one who always gets picked on. Or the one no one takes seriously -- because he's always losing. Or maybe he doesn't think he's worthy of anything, so why even try?

This may be nice, but it's not really productive for the person choosing to lose. It's often disastrous when a Win/Lose person takes advantage of him. Then the Lose/Win person can start feeling angry, and tired of everything -- and eventually wise up and stop the intentional losing!

Okay -- this was definitely me. Let's move on.

Lose/Lose

Next comes Lose/Lose. This is what happens when two Win/Lose people butt heads. When they try too hard to take advantage of the other person, everything falls apart and both people lose. I see this often at work, in what many call office politics. And you probably see it every day on social media. Bob and Jane argue about that silly thing again, and both try hard to pile on the logic and show who's better and smarter. Nearly always, it falls apart, and becomes a BIG waste of time.

Win

And our 4th alternative paradigm is: Win. Yeah, not Win/Win, but just Win. "I Win, and I don't care about anyone else." This was me throughout school. In math and science classes, I'd stay at the very top of the class -- just because I wanted to. Not because I hated anyone or wanted others to lose. I just wanted the bragging rights. Well -- then again, it wasn't like I could turn it off. Oh -- there I go again.

This tactic actually did get me some attention and success. It's gotten me the types of jobs I've had. But it doesn't really win any friends or strengthen relationships.

Win/Win

And finally we come to Win/Win. This is where two or more parties work together to come up with solutions that benefit all. And I've found that these types of arrangements are very powerful. It not only propels you and others forward, but you also get friends -- people who trust you, and will help you out in a bind. These relationships then allow further wins, solutions, and growth.

In the future, I'll spend a couple more sessions on this topic, as we've only scratched the surface. But hey, I'll give you some homework. Why not try out a cooperative game? I got this game: "Pandemic" for Christmas 2020. I think it was mainly a joke for me, but it turned out to be a surprisingly fun game. Instead of working against each other, you work together with the other players to stop a worldwide pandemic. Each player is given special talents, and success can only happen when you work together. It's strangely satisfactory. And sometimes it's just fun when everyone feels like they've won. We haven't lost a game yet.

Oh, and I should clarify that this is not a paid sponsorship. <A $20 bill accidentally falls from under the box.> Um ... we'll edit that part out.

When we come back to this later, we'll talk more about these paradigms and introduce the No Deal option. But first -- in a couple of weeks, I'll give an update to my evidently popular "15 Minutes of Fame" story -- you can learn a little more about me.

Well, thank you for watching. Make sure to Like and Subscribe. And remember, we can "Always Be Better."