#39) Proactive Attitudes

Hello, and welcome back to "Always Be Better" with Mel Windham.

Today we're going to talk about proactive attitudes and how to be happy. I'm going to show you one trick that Stephen Covey provides to us, but first, I'm going to tell some stories.

I'll start with this guy at my work. We'll call him Fred. He was the master of positive attitudes. Everywhere he went, it was: "Happy, happy, happy. When things are going down, just be thankful that you have two arms and two legs. Choose to be happy." This guy even wrote a thesis on the topic of having an Enthusiastic Positive Attitude.

I really liked this guy, but many of us thought he was living in some kind of fake reality -- kind of like sweeping the bad stuff under the rug. The problems are still there, but you can try to ignore them. And whenever we told him our problems, his solutions always seemed to be the same: don't worry about it. Just choose to be happy.

And then there's the story of ... me. Several people say that I'm the happiest person they've ever seen, and how much a great attitude I have. Sometimes I laugh, because to be honest, I think I have the same problems other people have. I get angry often -- as we'll discuss in a few weeks. Maybe people like me because I listen to their problems and commensurate. I don't sweep these problems under the rug. But then again, I admit that I do have an overall positive attitude on life, and I'm mostly happy. Perhaps I've found a good balance between being happy and not ignoring my problems.

Next comes the story Stephen Covey tells of Victor Frankl, a famous Holocaust survivor. When he was sent to a concentration camp, almost his whole family died in the ovens. He suffered terrible experiences such as being made to clear out dead bodies. One day when his captors stripped him, and he stood naked, he realized that there still remained a part of him the Nazis could never take. And he held on to that -- reliving memories in his head, and reminding himself who he was. And no one could stop him. He could experience FREEDOM even in the most terrible situations.

So, what is this one trick? How can we manage to achieve happiness while not ignoring our problems? The trick comes in realizing the one difference between REACTIVE and PROACTIVE attitudes.

REACTIVE attitudes include the following statements:

This is who I am and I can't change.

It's his fault I'm in this situation.

I have to do these things.

She makes me angry.

Maybe things will go my way, one day.

All of these statements have one thing in common. They express the idea that everything is out of our control. OTHERS are doing this to us, and we're stuck. There's nothing we can do about it. Sound familiar? To be honest, I've fallen into this trap many times, even recently. The problem is -- this trap becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we hold to this attitude and believe we're stuck, then we remain stuck.

So, the one trick? Flip it around. WE are the ones in control -- not OTHERS. Once we take on this new attitude, we can then take the REACTIVE statements, and turn them into PROACTIVE statements.

I am what I make myself out to be.

I can get out of this situation.

I choose to do these things.

Only I can control my feelings.

I can help things go my way.

So, there we are. Flip it around, and we are the ones in control. Note that we're not ignoring our problems, but we're using positive attitudes to help get to better places. And once we maintain the proper attitudes, we can then take action. In later videos, we'll go over the several tools Covey provides to help us gain control.

For now, just take a look around. Check out your own attitudes in life. Can you find peace during the rough times like Frankl? Does the knowledge that you can take control help you see ways to succeed? You may be surprised by the results.

That's all I have for you today. Next week I will provide a tour of my own small business, Melkim Publishing -- so make sure not to miss it. Please Like and Subscribe, and I'll keep putting out these videos.

And remember: we are the ones in control. We can "Always Be Better."