#19) Tackling Depression

Hello, and welcome to "Always Be Better" with Mel Windham.

Today we're going to talk about depression -- probably the hardest topic for me to discuss this year. I definitely don't have all the answers, but we can certainly try our best, and try to figure this out together.

I think we all suffer to some degree. In my case, I have a small to moderate amount of depression. On the whole, I have what one may call an annoyingly bright vision of humanity and of our potential. I'm told by many people, "You must be the happiest man on the planet."

But every now and then I get hit by something and then I can't get anything done. I don't want to talk to anyone, and I just want to play video games or do puzzles.

One of my favorite comedians growing up was Robin Williams. He played some of the funniest characters and with so much energy, and I've always wondered how anyone could maintain such talent. But then we learn that he had terrible depression. So much so that he took his own life.

Steve Martin -- another favorite comedian of mine -- also suffered from depression -- maybe not as much as Robin Williams, but still somewhat debilitating at times.

The first time I remember getting hit by depression was in college -- Halloween night, over 40 years ago. I had dressed up and decided to hide in my room and jump out at the girls as they passed by asking for candy. The lights were dark, and I was quiet, and maybe we didn't have that many visitors, or maybe the girls weren't receptive. I don't know what it was, but I got hit by this terrible sense of loneliness. Once, as I heard someone go by, I didn't jump out, knowing no one would even know I was hidden in my dark room.

Another time, late at night, I got locked out of my room, and my roommate was asleep. Instead of waking him up, I just went out in the mezzanine, and sat under this big loud air vent -- and something about sitting and feeling lonely seemed to bring comfort. My R. A. found me and unlocked my room for me, and then he lectured about how he was always available. It was so embarrassing!

And yet again, in the Fine Arts Center at BYU -- fifth floor -- northwest wing -- the bathroom had another one of those loud air vents. And sometimes I would just sit on that toilet listening to nothing as I zoned out in my loneliness.

And then I'd immediately go back outside among the people, and say hi to them all, and be happy -- like everything was all right again. "There goes the happiest person in the world." Yeah -- it was difficult for me to cross campus without seeing someone I knew.

More recently, my depression seems to come in cycles -- super happy times followed by super downer times. I've learned to take advantage of my up periods to be productive and to just relax during the low periods.

Though, ever since I've started this video series at the beginning of the year, I have yet to have any lasting relapses. I'm getting all kinds of things done now -- and I'm really enjoying it.

Maybe it was because last year was particularly depressing, and news of the Covid vaccine has me looking up in the world. Or maybe it's simply that I feel like I've found a purpose in this video series that gives me a reason to keep going.

And maybe that's one annoying aspect about depression. No one ever knows why they're depressed. I could get some of the happiest news in the world and still be depressed within hours.

I know a lot of people have it worse than I do. Some have to take medicine. Some feel depressed all the time. I also know that others will see this depression and say things like, "Just think happy thoughts" or "Only you can make yourself happy." It doesn't really work that way.

So, at this time, I have no answers. Maybe we can figure it out together. If it's a momentary depression, then perhaps it's good to experience it, get through it, and then move on to the happiness stage. You can do what I did and be productive during the happy times. 

If it's an overall feeling of dread because of how terrible the world is -- that's what I'm trying to battle right now. Perhaps if you join with me, it could provide a purpose and bring some kind of joy, and a hope that we can make a dent for the better in this world.

Either way -- we're all in this together. And as we get better, I have faith that things will be better. So, let's do this. We can figure this out as we go along.

Thank you for watching, and I'll see you next time on "Always Be Better."